10… 9… 8… somehow I suddenly feel out of place and I turn around to catch some air on the balcony. As I close the door of the club behind me I hear everyone shouting in anticipation ..2…1… “Happy New Year!” “Happy new year” I mumble to myself while I look over the fireworks in the skyline.
“Happy new year to you as well” I suddenly hear to my left and I turn around. “I’m sorry, “ I start to say to the woman standing in the shadows, “ I didn’t see you there, I was caught up in my thoughts trying to get away from the party”.
“It’s some party isn’t it?” she asks. “I euhm… “ somehow I hesitate a bit before answering her, “ …. euhm… I somehow lost the mood to party all of sudden.”
“I’m weird sometimes” I try to joke, “ but sometimes all of a sudden I feel like I’m a bystander and then a blue mood takes over” I end with a sarcastic voice.
“Hmmm I know what you mean” she replies as she steps forward and introduces herself to me, “ I’m Erica by the way.” “James” I reply.
More and more party people flock to the balcony to admire the fireworks. I lean in and shout in her ear and ask if she wants to get away from the party and go for a walk. She nods and a smile appears on her face as she grabs my hand and we find our way out of the club and start walking next to the river.
In the distance we can hear people celebrate and the fireworks exploding high up in the sky as we confide in each other and share bits and pieces of our lives. “Sometimes it would be so nice to just have someone… someone who is there for you, for whom you don’t have to pretend… who loves and accepts you for the person who you are and who is just happy with you, you know what I mean? ” she asks me.
I turn my head and look at her. Her face is lit by the moonlight. Soft shadows are casted over her cheekbones and a lock of hair has fallen in front of her eye. “ Ordinary happiness,“ I answer, “ is the hardest thing to achieve I think. These days most people go for the cosmetics. They want the big house, big money and the good looking boy- or girlfriends. Hardly anybody cares no more for the truth, the feelings inside… the things that matter.”
“You must be cold, “ I continue, “let’s go find someplace warmer to talk.” “I live 5 minutes walking from her, you want to go there? “ she asks. I hesitate for a few seconds but she already wraps her arm in mine and guides me in the new direction.
A few minutes later we arrive at her apartment. It’s nice and modern looking place with a typical feminine decorative touch. “Would you mind if I change into something more comfortable?” she asks. “Of course not,” I say, “those heels don’t look to comfortable at all even though they compliment your legs excellent”. I turn around to the fireplace and tell her I’ll start a fire so we can defrost a bit. As she walks away to her bedroom she throws me a warm smile.
As I’m making the fire my mind starts to wonder what I’m doing here. I wake up from my thoughts as she walks into the living room. She’s barefooted wearing jeans and a gray long sleeved t-shirt which somehow make her even more attractive then the classy evening dress she wore for the party. Her blonde hair is tied back into a pony tail with one or two stubborn locks dangling over her left ear. Without realizing I mumble out a loud “wow”. She starts to laugh as she kneels down next to me in front of the fireplace and hands me a glass of wine. “What?” she asks me with a curious smile.
With a blush on my face I raise my glass to toast with her. “ Nothing. It’s just startling that somehow these jeans and the tshirt make you more attractive then the dress you wore before” I say.
Silently she accepts the compliment and raises her glass to me “What do we toast to? ” she asks.
“How about euhm… old places, new friends and the things that may happen in between?” I reply and before she can answer I say cheers and take a sip of the sweet white wine. It doesn’t take long for the both of us to listen to each others stories. It’s strange how listening to how she tells them make them sound so familiar and create some sort of a bond. Soon after we both lay on our sides on the ground in front of the fireplace, me with my back to the fire facing her. The shadows of the flames light up her face in an ongoing battle to highlight every subtle corner of her soft skin.
After she poured the last drop of wine in the glass she gets up to the kitchen to open a second bottle and asks me to put on a different cd. I search through her music collection and pick an old cd of Robbie Williams doing Frank Sinatra songs. Somehow I feel totally at ease tonight, I don’t have to pretend or be on guard but are totally at comfort around her which I find both strange and fascinating. When I look at the clock I notice it’s 4 in the morning already but I don’t want this night to end just yet.
Unsure of what’s next, I lay down on the carpet in front of the fireplace again when Erica comes back with a new bottle. She kneels down next to me and lays her head down on my stomach. “ Do you mind?” she whispers. Without saying a word I let my fingers run through her hair and look down to her with a smile.
“Is it us or is it the moment…” I finally dare to ask out loud the question that’s been running through both our minds for the last few hours. “I don’t know, “ she answers after a long silence, “ but whatever it is, I don’t want to loose it because this is what I’ve been missing in my life for so long.”
Suddenly I feel her fingers lock in mine as she softly starts to squeeze them. It is minutes before we dare to move until she suddenly yawns. Both of us start laughing out loud because of our nerves and the silliness of the situation we find ourselves in. She starts to sit up, her face is dangerously close to mine and I’m afraid to do the wrong thing and ruin everything.
Finally I lift my right hand and slide it down across the back of her head into her neck and hold it there briefly as a little encouragement for her to make the next move. With both hands she grabs my arm and pulls it up to her mouth and place a soft kiss on it. “Would you…” she nervously starts “ will you… Would you please stay here with me tonight?“ and afraid of the answer she closes her eyes and looks down, awaiting my response.
“ I want to… if I may…” and I lift her head up so I can look into her eyes. I see a tear welling up and rolling down her face and I try to shush her and pull her close to me for a hug. “ hey now…. There is no need for tears you silly “ I try to calm her. “Come now… let’s not start the new year with tears but instead think of this very special evening you beautiful silly woman”. As I try to get up I lift her with me and grab her hand in mine. “ Let’s go asleep and tomorrow when you wake up, you won’t remember those tears “ and with a humoristic tone in my voice I add, “ you probably freak out to find an ugly stranger like me in the bed next to you”.
She starts to smile a bit, but I can tell she feels blue and lonely. Without a word being said we end up in the bedroom. Nervous and a bit uncomfortable we stand there opposite of each other, unsure what to do next. Slowly I start to unbutton my shirt but I don’t take it off yet.
I grab her left hand in mine and lift it up to my chest. Barely I feel her fingertips touch my chest, uncertain at first but slowly more eager to discover. After what seems like minutes I feel her fingers of her right hand slide under my shirt as well. After a little hesitation she finally pulls down my shirt. The little moonlight that breaks through the window shines upon my bare chest and I watch her eyes gaze over me. She pulls back a bit as she pulls her t-shirt over her head.
